Anchor Points

Well hello there little blogity blog! Long time, no write.
I could write a long laundry list of excuses & lame-o reasons why I haven't written - some legit, but most of them, well they're all excuses, so what does it matter?! If I want to be a writer then I'd better write, right?
Well I've had this post stuck in the "draft" folder for far too long. It happens when I get on this inspiration-kick, but I tell myself, "Jessika you can't publish two blog post is less than 24 hours especially when it's been a month since you last wrote anything at all!" And then I forget about the "draft" folder all together.
Whoops.
As I recall when I wrote the majority of this post (basically the title and the verses below) it was the middle of August and we (we meaning the PNB dancers) had moved on from learning our January Rep of Don Quixote to our All Contemporary Rep that we'll be premiering in March. There will be 3 ballet's on that bill: David Dawson's A Million Kisses to My Skin, Annabella Ochoa's Cylindrical Shadows, and a world premiere by Victor Quijada.
Having worked in the studio with Victor in past years, I've had the privilege to learn his very unique style of movement, which comes from his background in classical and street-dancing, even incorporating aspects of yoga, martial arts and a lot of improv. In reality when you're dancing his choreography you feel a little bit like you're either a) under water, b) in the Matrix, or c) both.
A major concept that is central to his style is that of the "anchor point." Whether it be your heel, your elbow, your palm or forehead, it's the place from which the movement not only originates and/or rotates around, but where it's anchored. So when you're teetering off balance your anchor point is what pulls you back to your center - back to balance.
August was a really challenging month for me in more than one way. I used to read articles on my Yahoo homepage about people in their mid to late twenties having what they termed as the "quarter life crisis" and I'd laugh. No scoff. No both.
Well now who's laughing?
Not me.
Not so long ago a friend of mine said he felt like a rudderless boat. I sympathized and tried to encourage him, reminding him that the Lord has great plans for his life and He'll reveal it in His perfect timing. (On a side note, why is it always so much easier to see the adventure, potential and be eagerly expectant for other people's lives, but not your own?) But it wasn't till this past August that I truly understood... So this is what it feels like to be a rudderless boat! 
I know this is all sounding really vague. It is. On purpose. Because truthfully I don't really feel like hanging all my sick nasty laundry out there for everyone to read. No one wants to read that. Not even (especially!) me.
But even a rudderless boat has an anchor. And even though I won't be in the new Quijada piece, I have anchor points.

On the first day of our season, oddly enough I had little if any rehearsal (bare with me... it was in early July!). So I spent the day in prayer and journaling to the Lord, consecrating this season to Him. And He specifically gave me these anchor points - anchor verses - that He not only knew I would need, but that He wants me cling to throughout this season. And cling I have! I hope they're an encouragement to you too. So Anchor Points: Anchor's away!

"Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him and He will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun. Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him; do not fret when evil men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes." ~ Psalm 37:3-7

"... let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another- and all the more as you see the Day approaching." ~ Hebrews 10:22-25

"So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised. For in just a very little while, 'He who is coming will come and will not delay. But my righteous one will live by faith. And if he shrinks back I will not be pleased with him.' But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who believe and are saved." ~ Hebrews 10:35-39

"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." ~ Hebrews 11:1

"And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." ~ Romans 5:2b-5

"But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently." ~ Romans 8:24b-25

"In the morning, O Lord you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and I wait in expectation." ~ Psalm 5:3 

... all dressed in white....

Here comes the Bride... All dressed in white... doo dah de dah, do do dah, de de dah....
Does anyone actually know how that song ends - like the lyrics? I remember singing it as a little girl when my friends and I played dress up.

You know... One of us would be draped in a white sheet with a smelly dandelion bouquet and the other would either be the pastor, the bridesmaid, or if we couldn't wrangle my little brother into being the groom... Yeah. I think you get the picture. I feel like I rarely was wearing the sheet... But I still don't know the end of that stupid tune.

Anyway, last week it was my dear friend Corene DenHerder's turn to wear the sheet - the real sheet. And she looked so beautiful!
In general, as a single person, weddings can either be depressing or inspiring. This wedding was definitely the latter. Miraculously it was an absolutely gorgeous day - there wasn't a cloud in that endless blue sky; a miracle considering that this is the Northwest, and also that just 2 days before it was one of the coldest 4th of July's I can recollect. And apart from the DJ forgetting the best man's name right before the toasts, he actually played some killer songs! I was dancing even before the dancing began.

But what really set this wedding apart for me was the story of the bride and groom - how they met, how they dated and how they love each other. Having been in a Discipleship group with Corene for years, I have known how patiently and persistently she's been praying for her husband - but not from a heart of desperation, but full of peace and assurance that He had someone out there for her that He was preparing. And man did He do a great job! Their relationship is an example to me of not only answered prayers, but of the Lord's perfect provision and perfect timing.

So cheers to you Mr. & Mrs. Repnik aka Dave and Corene!!!! May the Lord bless you abundantly in this new adventure He's has you both on side-by-side, hand-in-hand. I love you guys and thanks for an incredible party!

PS - Here's a couple photos of the happy couple and this amazing day taken by the amazing Rachel Harris.

Struggles the Cat.

Today's been a hard day. I'm struggling. During Coppélia at the end of last season we had quite of few days where there were struggles. One sweet little face at work once told me that she and another co-worker of ours thought that Struggles would be a good name for a cat... Struggles the Cat. So now whenever I'm having a day like today, a day where my heart aches from the weight of discouragement and I start wondering if it's all really worth it, I name it "Struggles the Cat."
I know... it doesn't really make sense, but then again, neither do I. So there.

We started working yesterday on a new Jiri Kylian piece that I'm excited to be learning, but, well, lets just say things haven't turned out the way I expected them to... (Maybe I should go back and re-read my post on Expectations)
I find myself discouraged. I find myself frustrated. I find myself asking the Lord, "Why? Why does it always have to be this hard? I'm tired of fighting. I'm tired working my butt off and for what? When's it going to be my turn?"
I find myself wanting to go out into the hallways of PNB, and grab those little bunheads that are here for the PNBS summer course and say to them, "Run! Run far away from this! Stop while you still can - before you get sucked in to a life and a love that will only hurt and disappoint you. Save yourself!"

And then I find myself amazed at the thoughts my mind's creating. What am I thinking? What am I asking? I already know the answers to these questions...

"I have told you these things so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." John 16:33

For me, as a disciple of Christ, it's never going to be easy. I know this. Jesus flat out tells me so. Guaranteed there's gonna be trouble; there's gonna be opposition. It's not wrong to desire ease, but I have to realize that this is Heaven calling me home, and I'm not there just yet. There's still work to be done. I still need to be refined. And the best way to refine something is through fire - through times of trial that break us so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body - to show that our strength and perseverance comes not from within our own storehouses but from the joy of the Lord. 


And as for those little girls sitting in the hallway looking in the studio dreaming of the day they'll be the one looking out, well who I am to discourage them from following the path that the Lord has chosen for them? Yes, it's hard. Yes, there will be times of heartache, heartbreak and discouragement. But that's just life. So often I want to save myself from this pain of rejection. I mean who wouldn't?! And the most obvious course of action is to just run away; to say enough is enough and I've had enough - I'm DONE! But then I think of Jesus and how much pain He must have suffered, how much rejection He experienced. And did He give up? Nope.
You see running away from pain and rejection is just stupid because no matter where you run you're gonna run in to it eventually. It's inevitable. So what am I supposed to do then?
Turn my eyes upon Jesus! Look full in His wonderful face. And the things of earth will grow strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace. He has told me these things - that in this world I will face persecution, rejection and pain - so that in Him I might have peace. For He is victorious! He has overcome the world! Praise Him!

"Therefore we do not lose hear. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

I hope this is an encouragement to those of you out there who are having a Struggles the Cat day. May you be renewed by the hope of glory that is in our Lord Jesus Christ!

Oh and here's a short youTube video of the piece we're working on... It's pretty funny so enjoy!