good. Great. better. Best. And Rest.

Hello all! Boy it sure has been a busy month. Is it really February already? I mean really?! I was just getting used to writing 1/2012. Now I've gotta change it again? Well I have some good news, great news, better news and best news for you all.

So good news: I'm back taking the the third and final installment in the Creative Non-Fiction Writing course offered through Bellevue College, so you can expect a lot of blogging from me over the next couple months (since yes, I am graded on it...). Hopefully this just get's me in the swing of things and I can ride on the wave of this good habit: writing writing writing!

Great news: PNB's U.S. premiere of Don Quixote premieres in just a couple days!!! We have two full hair, makeup and costume dress rehearsals which means a long day for me, but an exciting one nonetheless. I promise you you'll be hearing about this soon! 

Better news: Since last July I've been privileged to be a part of the planning committee for my church's upcoming Women's Retreat. And with all that's happened the past couple months... wait. No. One month Jessika. It's only been one month. Anyway, with all that's happened between school starting, Don Q premiering, and Grandpa in the hospital I'm gonna need this getaway with God and my gal-pals to the lovely Leavenworth, WA. So the post below is something I wrote for the Retreat blog that I thought I'd share here, really because I liked it, and I hope it inspires anyone who reads this blog to sign up and come too. 

But the best news: God is GREAT! Grandpa Fred continues to get stronger. There are still bumps in the road... We found out yesterday that he has pneumonia and may need a pacemaker, but these aren't epic concerns. Of course my family and I would still appreciate and covet your prayers for him and us, but, well all I can say is praise Jesus, my Rock, my Redeemer, my Savior and my King! What a kind, compassionate, loving and faithful God we serve! His blessings overwhelm me. His Presence fills me with His enduring hope and perfect peace. 

Grandpa Fred with Uncle Kyle & Auntie Lindsay.
Two thumbs up Grandpa!!! You got this! No. God's got this!

So without further adieu, here is the little bit I wrote about why you women (sorry guys) should come for a weekend getaway... Read it and see if you don't agree with me. But more importantly sign up! Registration closes this weekend. That means SUNDAY. 4 days. You can click here to sign up. I promise you, you won't regret it!

Well 2012 is well underway. And so is our planning for Delight in you, Westminster Chapel's Women's retreat. It's been two years since we've had a women's retreat and I have to say I'm really looking forward to it. Really looking forward.

I don't know about you, but I'm feeling pretty spent these days. I guess the holidays will do that. And truthfully, 2012 hasn't been off to the glittering start that the New Years always seems to promise. In fact it's been a very hard 11 days. With a loved one in the hospital, winter quarter at Bellevue College beginning, and work amping up, I find that all I want - all I crave is rest.

Rest.

Doesn't that sound good?

I can't be the only one out there who feels this way...

I think that's why I'm so excited for this retreat.

A retreat is by definition "an act or process of withdrawing especially from what is difficult, dangerous or disagreeable," and boy has this year ever been difficult thus far. But running away from your problems never solves anything, right? Inevitably you return home and there they are, waiting for you at your front door.

But there's another definition for retreat...

"a period of group withdrawal for prayer, meditation, study or instruction..." 

You see, I'm not running away from what's difficult, dangerous or disagreeable in my life... I'm running toward something. I'm running to the only One who can actually help me with the challenges I face in life. I'm running to the big, strong embrace of Christ. And in Him I can find rest. In Him I can find peace. In Him I can find power, strength and direction to deal with all that waits for me back at home.

And the great thing is I'm not the only one running. I'm not alone. I've got some great company. Hopefully that includes you! 

So please register for our retreat this year. It's going to be restful. It's going to be restorative. It's going to be transformative. And what a treat it will be to pray with you, meditate on how the Lord delights in each of us, and study how we can delight ourselves in Him. Together.

Hope you'll join us Friday March 9th.

And just a reminder registration closes soon! The last day is February 5th so sign up now!

In Him,

Jessika Anspach

Captivating Captivity

Well the storm hit alright. And stuck we were.

Six inches, and it's never looked lovelier.

Still. Slowed to the pace of breathing. All sounds seemed muffled, echoing in the snow-insulated space. 

It felt like the whole world was waiting; paused peacefully in winter slumber. 

Hushed. Almost haunting. Afraid to shatter this picture-perfect with my footprint. But the clean crisp smell of snow tickled my nose, and as snowflake found its final resting place on my eyelash I took the step. It crumpled delightfully beneath my rubber boots, and with all the giddiness of my childhood self, my iPhone and I journeyed in to Familiarity transformed. 

It was another world out there, and my heart rejoiced that I'd dared to immerse myself in this scene rather than merely spectate. 

And I have to say this captivating captivity ministered to my soul.  

Here are some photos of my long walk. Did a lot of thinking. A lot of praying. A lot of praising. Our God is great. He truly is the most amazing Artist of all. 

And I have even more cause to rejoice because tonight my Grandpa Fred rests peacefully in his CICU room with a bigger, better and brand new valve in his heart! Yes, today was the day! He had open heart surgery and praise Jesus it went really well. The next 12-24 hours are still really critical, but he's resting in the Almighty and Sovereign Hands of our Abba Father. And there's no better place to be.

Day Seventeen

It's Tuesday. January seventeenth. Twenty-Twelve.
And I can't believe it's been 74 days since I last wrote.
Ashamed. Utterly.
For that I sincerely apologize.
And yet so much has happened in those 74 days! So much...
So here are some highlights from the end of 2011:

November brought my dearest brother Barret back home. This was the first time in 6 years that he spent his birthday and Thanksgiving with our family- a blessing to be sure! We also resumed our tradition of a family Thanksgiving bowl. And by "bowl" I'm referring to the game you play in clown shoes with a heavy ball & milk-bottle-shaped pins... not the thing you eat cereal from. As usual Grandpa Fred killed it.

November also secured my place on PNB's 2011/2012 Blooper tape. Oh Humility... thanks for always keepin' it real.
Our 2nd Rep (Love Stories) came and went. Nutcracker began and oh yeah... I celebrated my 27th birthday too.
November, you sure got it done!

December. There's really only one word to describe December, and I'm sure you can guess it... Nutcracker! And believe me you'll hear more about that a little later. A post's been a brewin' in me for some time that I'd wanted to write during December, but alas... time got the best of me.
But besides this all-consuming holiday ballet classic, December delivered some pretty spectacular things - lots of prayers answered; lots of lessons learned. And the Lord threw in a couple unexpected gifts too. I think it was the best Christmas we've ever had. At least that I can recall... What an incredible family I have! I am so tremendously blessed.

Which brings me to today. Day Seventeen.
I'm sitting here on my couch waiting for the storm to hit. Waiting for the white stuff to fall in epic proportions. Some time tonight or in the wee hours of the morning some serious snowfall is supposed to  leave Seattle and the majority of western Washington at a standstill. This generally happens whenever "white death" (as a friend of mine terms it) falls, wether it's 12 inches or 2. We had a preview of this winter wonderland on Sunday. Even now it's hard to not revel in its beauty.

And yet I'm not waiting for the storm. I'm in the storm. It hit seventeen days ago.
The last day of 2011 my dear sweet Grandpa Fred was admitted to Harrison Hospital, and from that day till now he's yet to shed that backless hospital gown, although he did get a nice helicopter ride over the Puget Sound and in to Seattle's Swedish Hospital. Ironically, it's a hospital that's not unfamiliar to him or our family. Eleven years ago it was called Providence. And it was the Lord's divine Providence for Grandpa Fred. Having suffered a massive heart attack and undergoing a quintuple bypass and a valve replacement, he very fittingly was known by all the doctors and staff as the Miracle Man.
Well he's more than a Miracle Man to me. He's a fighter. He's a man of great faith. He's my grandpa. And I love him so much.

I wish I could tell you all that things aren't serious. They are. He's had a staph infection in his blood and is suffering from endocarditis with a vegetation (a growth of bacteria) on the pig valve in his heart that saved his life 11 years ago. And this poor little valve that has served and blessed him these 11 years needs to be replaced. This means open heart surgery.

And yet as I wait for this snowstorm to hit, I guess waiting is exactly what we have been doing. Waiting in the storm. Waiting for the doors to open so that Grandpa Fred could be transferred to Swedish. Waiting for the staph infection to clear up. Waiting for Grandpa to gain strength.
We thought today was the day. The day our waiting would be over. The day he'd have that valve replaced yet again. But I'm reminded of this: "For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways" declares the Lord. And His Word couldn't be more right! His thoughts aren't my thoughts... nope. They're infinitely higher. His timing is perfect.
An MRI done last night revealed an abscess on my grandpa's spleen... a severe set back, not only for surgery today, but for our hope in this whole situation. And yet our hope is not in this situation. It is not in the storm that surrounds us.

"... but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength." ~ Isaiah 40:31

The Lord Jesus Christ is our HOPE. He is our strength and our song. You see with this splenic abscess, the doctors are weary. They were thinking of postponing the surgery not just temporarily, but indefinitely. It's a risky surgery. Very risky. But to my Grandpa Fred it's a risk he wants to take, because in reality he knows with Jesus there is no risk. He's in the Omnipotent arms of our Savior, who only has the best in mind for him- wether that's living in eternity here on earth with us or in Heaven with Him.

"But if we have hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently." ~ Romans 8:25.

So we pray. We hope. We trust. We hold on to and rest in Jesus. And we wait patiently for the goodness of our Lord. In the storm. On Day Seventeen... and every day after that.

"I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry. 

He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.  

He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the LORD. 

Blessed is the man who makes the Lord his trust, who does not look to the proud, to those who turn aside to false gods. 

Many, O Lord my God, are the wonders you have done. 

The things you planned for us no one can recount to you; were I to speak and tell of them, they would be too many to declare." ~ Psalm 40:1-5

I would appreciate your prayers for miraculous healing and strength for my Grandpa Fred; for wisdom, discernment and skill for the doctors and surgeons; for peace, hope, patience, rest and joy for my family and myself. Thank you in advance. And praise the Lord for this trial! He is refining me and my family. To Him be all glory, honor and praise!

Happy New Year to you all! May God bless you!

Jessika

The Bestest Brother in the World!

Look at this little guy... Isn't he cute?

It's hard to believe today, Friday November 4th, 2011 this little guy is a quarter of a century old! The big two-five!!!! And while he may have outgrown the Mickey ears and red MC Hammer pants, he does still work a bow-tie from time to time.

So who is this cutie-pa-tootie?

 Well he's my little brother William Barret Anspach. Or Bear-Bear, as we (the family) like to call him.
And seriously guys, I couldn't have asked for a sweeter, kinder, smarter or more wonderful brother in the whole wide world! I am SO proud of him!
I mean whose little brother at around 7 or 8 goes up to his mom and says "Mom, can you buy me a book so I can teach myself Chinese?" Mine did! Our dad brought him some sort of transformer toys from Hong Kong, but he couldn't read the instructions so he thought he'd just teach himself Chinese... you know... easy peasy lemon squeezy, right? Ha! Mind you he was already in a Spanish Immersion program at school, and in his spare time created this entire imaginary world complete with it's own language too.
But his creativity didn't just stop there... Yeah, no. He also composes music. And by "composes music" I mean he went to The Juilliard School in NYC receiving his Masters of Music in Composition composes music (it's not some tune he recorded on his Cassio keyboard...). And he did all that schooling (B.A. & M.M.) in 5 years!!! Sick. As a performing artist (not a creative one) it baffles me how he just creates these beautiful pieces of music. I mean they come out of his own head!!! It's crazy!!! How does he do it? I could never do that!!!

And did I mention that he can not only rock out a sock monkey hat and a beard but a sweet 'stache too?!!! Pretty impressive eh?

Like I said, I'm so proud of my little brother... He'd be the last person in the world to flaunt all of his accomplishments... in fact I'm sure this blog post will make him blush to a bright red. But that's what big sisters are here for... to brag about their amazing little brothers! Especially on their birthday!

So yeah, I'm blessed. Blessed by my little brother, who's not so little anymore. I'm so thankful that he is one of my best friends. He balances out my serious side with his goofiness. And I'm so grateful that it doesn't matter what we do... As long as we're together we're guaranteed a great time.

Happy Birthday Bear-Bear!!!! May the Lord bless your socks off this year! And thanks for being the bestest brother a girl could ask for... Thanks for being my brother (not that you actually have a choice in it... haha!!!)

Enduring Duos

Love Stories... Those great enduring duos: Princess Aurora and her Prince (I know he has a name, but does anyone know it?). Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth Bennet. Romeo and Juliet. Peanut Butter and Jelly... I know. PB & J are inanimate objects, incapable of offering or experiencing love, but you can't tell me that their union isn't a magnificent one that's stood the test of time!
But I've forgotten one that's worth mentioning... and in my opinion it's way better than PB & J!

Balanchine and Stravinsky
A perfect marriage between dance and music. A romance that has been immortalized through 39 ballets, 22 of which, in 1972 were performed as a part of the New York City Ballet Stravinsky Festival (In all there were actually 31 ballets performed in this 8-day festival but the other 9 by other choreographers...). The mere thought of dancing 22 Balanchine-Stravinsky ballets makes my heart sing and my head hurt... I can't imagine the kind of counting that must have gone on... I mean it's bad enough having to manage one Stravinsky piece but 22?!!!
Confusion. Chaos. Migraine.
Well I've been blessed to dance in a few of these 31- namely Symphony in 3 Movements, Rubies and Agon. Other than the common denominators of composer, choreographer and pink tights and pointe shoes, these ballets couldn't be more different. Symphony in 3 Movements is an homage to WWII with its formations and patterns resembling armies advancing or planes circling. Rubies is a sexy, light-hearted little number set to Stravinsky's jazzy Capriccio for Piano and Orchestra. And Agon... In my opinion the cherry on top of this Balanchine-Stravinsky sundae is really best described by Balanchine himself: "See the music, hear the dance." And literally with minimal costumes (black leos and pink tights) and sets (a blue backdrop) that's all you see... You see the music danced.

Well, I'm happy to say that this Friday night I get to add a fourth Balanchine-Stravinksy jewel to my collection: the Divertimento from "Le Baiser de la Feé." And once again this sweet ballet hardly resembles the previous three already "in my bag", so to speak.
Dressed in a sweet little tutu with a golden bodice and and off-the-shoulder puffy sleeve, you'd think I'd be dancing to Mozart or Haydn not to the music of the man who composed The (riot-inducing) Rite of Spring! And yet the score for Baiser is strangely melodic. Don't get me wrong. It's still Stravinsky with its wonderful rhythms and crazy counts (a 6, an 11, three (two?) 10's and a 7... yikes!). But that's the fun of it... You exercise both your body and your mind. And you get to have fun with it too! There's a playfulness to Balanchine's musicality that in one sense is reminiscent to Rubies... just watch the principle woman execute her solo. It seems like her feet are flirting with the floor as she piques about... The same goes for the demis and corps as we punctuate the music with speedy and precise footwork in the first movement... And boy is it ever pufffy!
But what I love most about dancing Baiser, more than the musicality, more than the mental and physical challenge it presents, is that it feels like home. We had our first onstage rehearsal for this Rep Tuesday night and my soul felt like it was singing as I danced the first movement. And I was reminded once again that this is why I do what I do. This is why I dance!

So needless to say I'm quite excited. Not just because I get to add another Balanchine-Stravinsky jewel to my resumé... but because for the first time I get to premiere this new piece to PNB's repertoire in a demi-soloist role. It's a first for PNB and a first for me too!
I'm excited. I'm humbled. And I'm so grateful!

And this is just one love story - okay I guess two: between Balanchine and Stravinsky, and Jessika and ballet. There's a whole evening full of them! So if you haven't bought your tickets yet, what are you waiting for? DO IT! You can get them here. But you'd better hurry... "And they lived happily ever after" is just right around the corner.

Sneak peak

So I promise... I've been working on something.
It's been on my heart for weeks to share with you all...
It's been on the tip of my tongue.
But. Well. The words...
I can't find them.
But tomorrow.
I promise.

But in the meantime here is an absolutely stunning bit of video magic created by the masterful Lindsey Thomas. We are so blessed to have her at PNB!!! What a gem!

Here are some factoids about the film she included to us insiders (okay just the PNB dancers and staff):

"5 Seattle-locations, 8 dancers, 3 hours of filming and 30 hours of editing..."

What a beautiful video. What a beautiful ballet. Would love to dance it one day.

Cylindrical Shadows - choreography by Annabella Ochoa, performed by PNB dancers, filmed in beautiful (sunny!!!!) Seattle.

Enjoy!

** You can see this performed on stage in March 2012 during our New Works Rep, so mark your calendars and buy your tickets now!!! Click here to reserve your seat.

Anchor Points

Well hello there little blogity blog! Long time, no write.
I could write a long laundry list of excuses & lame-o reasons why I haven't written - some legit, but most of them, well they're all excuses, so what does it matter?! If I want to be a writer then I'd better write, right?
Well I've had this post stuck in the "draft" folder for far too long. It happens when I get on this inspiration-kick, but I tell myself, "Jessika you can't publish two blog post is less than 24 hours especially when it's been a month since you last wrote anything at all!" And then I forget about the "draft" folder all together.
Whoops.
As I recall when I wrote the majority of this post (basically the title and the verses below) it was the middle of August and we (we meaning the PNB dancers) had moved on from learning our January Rep of Don Quixote to our All Contemporary Rep that we'll be premiering in March. There will be 3 ballet's on that bill: David Dawson's A Million Kisses to My Skin, Annabella Ochoa's Cylindrical Shadows, and a world premiere by Victor Quijada.
Having worked in the studio with Victor in past years, I've had the privilege to learn his very unique style of movement, which comes from his background in classical and street-dancing, even incorporating aspects of yoga, martial arts and a lot of improv. In reality when you're dancing his choreography you feel a little bit like you're either a) under water, b) in the Matrix, or c) both.
A major concept that is central to his style is that of the "anchor point." Whether it be your heel, your elbow, your palm or forehead, it's the place from which the movement not only originates and/or rotates around, but where it's anchored. So when you're teetering off balance your anchor point is what pulls you back to your center - back to balance.
August was a really challenging month for me in more than one way. I used to read articles on my Yahoo homepage about people in their mid to late twenties having what they termed as the "quarter life crisis" and I'd laugh. No scoff. No both.
Well now who's laughing?
Not me.
Not so long ago a friend of mine said he felt like a rudderless boat. I sympathized and tried to encourage him, reminding him that the Lord has great plans for his life and He'll reveal it in His perfect timing. (On a side note, why is it always so much easier to see the adventure, potential and be eagerly expectant for other people's lives, but not your own?) But it wasn't till this past August that I truly understood... So this is what it feels like to be a rudderless boat! 
I know this is all sounding really vague. It is. On purpose. Because truthfully I don't really feel like hanging all my sick nasty laundry out there for everyone to read. No one wants to read that. Not even (especially!) me.
But even a rudderless boat has an anchor. And even though I won't be in the new Quijada piece, I have anchor points.

On the first day of our season, oddly enough I had little if any rehearsal (bare with me... it was in early July!). So I spent the day in prayer and journaling to the Lord, consecrating this season to Him. And He specifically gave me these anchor points - anchor verses - that He not only knew I would need, but that He wants me cling to throughout this season. And cling I have! I hope they're an encouragement to you too. So Anchor Points: Anchor's away!

"Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him and He will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun. Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him; do not fret when evil men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes." ~ Psalm 37:3-7

"... let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another- and all the more as you see the Day approaching." ~ Hebrews 10:22-25

"So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised. For in just a very little while, 'He who is coming will come and will not delay. But my righteous one will live by faith. And if he shrinks back I will not be pleased with him.' But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who believe and are saved." ~ Hebrews 10:35-39

"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." ~ Hebrews 11:1

"And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." ~ Romans 5:2b-5

"But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently." ~ Romans 8:24b-25

"In the morning, O Lord you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and I wait in expectation." ~ Psalm 5:3